Christmas Kiss II

Gather 'round sweet readers, and I'll tell you the story of the one gentle watch that we turned off halfway through: A Christmas Kiss II

The first A Christmas Kiss is about two people who share an exciting and mysterious kiss in an elevator and subsequently fall in love. The second Christmas Kiss is basically the same premise but with a different cast of characters. Did you know that "magical kiss in elevator" is a whole romance sub-genre? It definitely is. This one featured Jenna, the hardworking personal assistant to the editor of a fashion magazine.

The problem is that the guy she kisses is awful. He is her boss's brother who co-owns the magazine but has previously shown no interest. He is a self-absorbed, lazy, playboy. He is also already engaged to someone else.  But after this magical kiss, he immediately starts bothering Jenna. Since he is also technically her boss, he abuses that fact by asking her to show up at his house or come to the office on the weekend when he is the only other person there. Rattled and creeped out, she enlists her friend and next door neighbor Sebastian to play her fake boyfriend --because men who won't respect a woman telling them "no" may respect another man's previous "claim" on that woman.

Sebastian is played by Jonathan Bennett aka Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. Pretty faced, dark-eyebrowed Aaron Samuels. He is charming and supportive, and more than happy to play the fake BF. When the awful dude first sees them together (having great chemistry and a genuinely good time together) he is like "oh crap, she really DOES have a boyfriend. She is never this happy and relaxed around me!"

For a brief moment, this movie seems like it is going to be really good. The elevator kiss guy is turning out to be garbage, whereas Aaron Samuels/Sebastian seems to respect and value Jenna as a person. The "best friend who has been there all along" is a common rom-com trope, but not when the main character has had a meet-cute with someone else. Maybe, just MAYBE a magical moment with someone doesn't excuse bad behavior.

But then...the awful guy keeps at it and Jenna starts to...be into it? And we start seeing less of Sebastian? HELL TO THE NO. Seeing I was getting increasingly agitated, Olivia did some googling and confirmed that the movie does end with Jenna getting together with the terrible guy.

THIS WATCH HAD CEASED TO BE GENTLE. We turned it off. I choose to believe that the movie ended with Jenna reporting the awful guy for workplace harassment and making out with Aaron Samuels.

(This image is from a different movie but you get the idea)

Look, I don't expect super enlightened gender politics from romantic comedies. But in this #MeToo era it hit a particular nerve to show a wealthy and inconsiderate white guy harass a subordinate at work and have it sold to us as a romance.

Rating: NONE. We choked on our cheese and wine while watching.

Hot Men: WHY would you 1) Hire Aaron Samuels 2) Give him a leading man name like Sebastian 3) NOT MAKE HIM THE ROMANTIC LEAD and then 4) Cast the smarmiest possible guy to be the actual romantic lead.

THIS IS THE FACE OF THE PATRIARCHY

A December Bride

The last of our Christmas movies finally came in from the library. A December Bride, starring Daniel Lissing from When Calls the Heart.

The mountie uniform is better, but this will do

Like most of these movies it had some pretty dumb parts but still managed to be passably charming.  But also like a lot of these movies, the most annoying thing is that the dumb parts could so easily have been fixed.

So first the basic premise: Layla has to attend a December wedding between her ex-fiancee and her cousin. She goes to the wedding with her friend Seth (Lissing), who she is mad at because he introduced the couple. For plot reasons, they end up lying to everyone and saying they are engaged. While pretending to be engaged they fall in love.

One thing that I've learned about myself watching all these cheesy romance movies is that I'm a sucker for a fake couple who ends up falling in love, so in general I'm totally down. But the really ridiculous part is how short the timeline is.  It is fine for a couple to develop a connection in a couple weeks but THEY DON'T NEED TO GET ENGAGED AND/OR MARRIED DURING THAT TIME.

We find out early in the movie that one of the additional reasons Layla is so sad at her ex-fiancee's wedding, is that it is in December, and she had always dreamed of being...wait for it...A December Bride.

So when she and Seth are faking their engagement, everyone is extra excited because now she might end up as A December Bride. Cool cool cool. That could happen. They could get married a year or even two years from when the movie takes place.

But part of the way through the movie it becomes clear that everyone wants them to get married THIS DECEMBER. Like, THE SAME MONTH THAT THIS MOVIE TAKES PLACE. Everyone seems unaware that DECEMBER WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.

To pressure the main character into this idea, her aunt has her try on her late mother's wedding dress. Which is clearly just a regular, modern, strapless wedding dress.

LIES. FASHION HISTORY LIES.

ANYWAY when Seth and Layla finally do realize they are in love with each other they immediately get engaged and then IT CUTS TO THEIR WEDDING which by all indications is the SAME MONTH THE MOVIE STARTED.

Ok rating time.

Cheese rating: Three out of five wedges of cheese. Basically regular Hallmark fare.

Wine rating: Two and a half out of five glasses of wine. Had some basic charm, and extra points for the guy being the one one who learns a lesson about needing to work less and "get his priorities straight" whereas the woman is celebrated for career success. 

Hot men: Aforementioned charm machine Daniel Lissing would have chemistry with a candy cane. He is excellent at the required rom-com "I'm having such a great time with you because I'm so in love with you smile"

Quality stuff, although doesn't hold a candle to the "I'm in love with you and I'm really tortured about it" grimace required for any good period movie.