Saturday, February 9, 2019

Menswear of When Calls the Heart


It's a snow day in Seattle! And Olivia and I are re-reading our old blog posts and laughing at how hilarious we are and how we should start blogging again. So here is a post I drafted last year and never hit "publish."

When Calls the Heart allegedly takes place in the early 1910s. As previously mentioned, many of the women's costumes are laughably bad.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sometimes they are just generically bad: like a community theater production where the costumers just paired some old blouses with long skirts and hoped for the best.


But the most atrocious costumes come in two main flavors:

Mall prom dresses of the early 2000s



...and vaguely 1870s-1880s saloon girl costumes from one of those old-timey photo booths



But on our most recent re-watch (yes we re-watch episodes of WCTH) I was struck by how sort of great a lot of the menswear is. Yes, it is full of modern styling...

Jack is basically a hipster who shops at Filson

...but it manages to avoid the tackiness of the worst women's looks WITHOUT being boring. It is full of color, pattern, and interesting textures. Turns out the men of Hope Valley are pretty sharp dressers!

Pastor Hogan in these stripes!

Evil railroad hottie in this sharp suit and tie!

Even some of the boys get interesting clothes! 
I love this soft jacket with the knit collar

But there are two PARTICULARLY good dressers in town. The first is Lee Coulter--sawmill owner and unapologetic peacock. 

He is unafraid of patterns...

Patterned pants! The final frontier. 

Loves color...

Who is sabotaging my mill? 
Who else could pull off these red pants with a purple shirt?

...sometimes both at the same time! 

This image includes 1) Purple patterned shirt 2) pink cravat 
3) blue pants and 4) a hot secretary

But I think only one man can top Lee, and that is town villain Henry Gowen. He also embraces color and pattern, but with more refinement. Whether he is running an unscrupulous mining company or fostering corruption in the mayor's office, he is always doing it in style. 

This outfit is beautifully put together.
Some parts match, some softy contrast and compliment

"Try not to be distracted by the contrast piping on my jacket
while I'm shutting down your beloved community cafe"

"I wore a pink patterned vest to this trial because I give zero f*cks"

The fabric of this jacket is GORGEOUS

So there you have it. I declare Henry Gowen the best-dressed man in Hope Valley! Here is your TV son from your OTHER show to offer his approval:

(Riverdale is decidedly NOT a gentle watch)

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Christmas Kiss II

Gather 'round sweet readers, and I'll tell you the story of the one gentle watch that we turned off halfway through: A Christmas Kiss II



The first A Christmas Kiss is about two people who share an exciting and mysterious kiss in an elevator and subsequently fall in love. The second Christmas Kiss is basically the same premise but with a different cast of characters. Did you know that "magical kiss in elevator" is a whole romance sub-genre? It definitely is. This one featured Jenna, the hardworking personal assistant to the editor of a fashion magazine.


The problem is that the guy she kisses is awful. He is her boss's brother who co-owns the magazine but has previously shown no interest. He is a self-absorbed, lazy, playboy. He is also already engaged to someone else.  But after this magical kiss, he immediately starts bothering Jenna. Since he is also technically her boss, he abuses that fact by asking her to show up at his house or come to the office on the weekend when he is the only other person there. Rattled and creeped out, she enlists her friend and next door neighbor Sebastian to play her fake boyfriend --because men who won't respect a woman telling them "no" may respect another man's previous "claim" on that woman.


Sebastian is played by Jonathan Bennett aka Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. Pretty faced, dark-eyebrowed Aaron Samuels. He is charming and supportive, and more than happy to play the fake BF. When the awful dude first sees them together (having great chemistry and a genuinely good time together) he is like "oh crap, she really DOES have a boyfriend. She is never this happy and relaxed around me!"


For a brief moment, this movie seems like it is going to be really good. The elevator kiss guy is turning out to be garbage, whereas Aaron Samuels/Sebastian seems to respect and value Jenna as a person. The "best friend who has been there all along" is a common rom-com trope, but not when the main character has had a meet-cute with someone else. Maybe, just MAYBE a magical moment with someone doesn't excuse bad behavior.


But then...the awful guy keeps at it and Jenna starts to...be into it? And we start seeing less of Sebastian? HELL TO THE NO. Seeing I was getting increasingly agitated, Olivia did some googling and confirmed that the movie does end with Jenna getting together with the terrible guy.



THIS WATCH HAD CEASED TO BE GENTLE. We turned it off. I choose to believe that the movie ended with Jenna reporting the awful guy for workplace harassment and making out with Aaron Samuels.

(This image is from a different movie but you get the idea)

Look, I don't expect super enlightened gender politics from romantic comedies. But in this #MeToo era it hit a particular nerve to show a wealthy and inconsiderate white guy harass a subordinate at work and have it sold to us as a romance.


Rating: NONE. We choked on our cheese and wine while watching.

Hot Men: WHY would you 1) Hire Aaron Samuels 2) Give him a leading man name like Sebastian 3) NOT MAKE HIM THE ROMANTIC LEAD and then 4) Cast the smarmiest possible guy to be the actual romantic lead.


THIS IS THE FACE OF THE PATRIARCHY

Sunday, February 18, 2018

The Spirit of Christmas




When we first started our Christmas gentle watching adventure, we set ourselves some standards, as all civilized people do. We did not want to watch any movies that included the following:
  1. Ghosts or really any supernatural elements 
  2. When there is a mysterious stranger and he turns out to be Santa (this is hard to avoid)
  3. Family movies - romance has to be central, I really don't care that much about kids or dogs
  4.  
This is the Netflix page for this movie: "As Christmas approaches, attorney Kate Jordan
travels to Vermont to oversee the sale of an inn, where she falls for a handsome but cursed ghost"

So as you can see from the aforementioned guidelines, The Spirit of Christmas was a risk, and it was a movie we'd avoided for a pretty long time. But here's the catch when watching so many gentle watches, but don't have actual cable television - you start to run out of options on Netflix. So there we were, settling in for 90 minutes of The Spirit of Christmas, and you know what? It wasn't awful. Confusing, kind of awkward, sure, but maybe kind of okay. We certainly talked about it for a long time afterwards, though part of this was due to the fact that the premise and the conclusion really made no sense whatsoever.

Summary: Kate is a high powered lawyer who is sent to the wilds of Vermont to facilitate the appraisal of an old inn before her firm can get it sold. Problem is, each appraiser has been scared off by the ghost that haunts the place. The ghost, Daniel, turns out to be the former owner of the inn who comes back for 21 days (the 21 days leading up to Christmas Eve) every year. Shockingly, they fall in love and maybe he becomes real? Or maybe they only see each other three weeks a year? It's unclear.

My face for a good portion of this film, and quite awhile afterwards
So, in the first five minutes, we get to see that Daniel was murdered. We don't see who did it, but he gets knocked in the head with a rock. He's also wearing circa-1910s clothing, as interpreted by a modern day costume designer, and basically just looks like a hipster old-timey.


Jumping ahead about 90 years, we find Daniel still wearing these clothes and not able to remember anything from the moments leading up to his murder. To give the movie some credit, it makes the right choice by making Daniel a corporeal being, so there's no walking through walls or weird vanishings into air. There also aren't any jokes about him not understanding modern day technology. He clearly has learned quite a bit in the three weeks he shows up each year, though how he has done this is unclear since he never interacts with anyone during these visits. Overall, the science of this ghost situation is pretty confusing.

Tell me you haven't seen this guy making craft cocktails at your local hipster bar

Daniel refuses to stop haunting his old haunt (ba dum bum), and Kate decides that, if she helps him figure out how he died, he'll be free to move on to wherever ghosts move on to. So of course there's a party, and it turns out Daniel DOES know a lot about cocktails because he used to be a rum runner in 1919. Transporting alcohol illegally does not mean he would know how to make craft cocktails (not exactly what was being ran during Prohibition), and thus begins the confusion of the timeline of Daniel's life.

He's been practicing making drinks during the three weeks he's in corporeal form
I'm going to pause here to let you all know that both Clara and I have undergrad history degrees, she is now a fashion historian, and I have been teaching U.S. History for the last eight years. We know a fair amount about American history, but despite that, both of us can deal with a certain amount of historical inaccuracies. It's par for the course with movies and particularly with gentle watches. But this timeline makes no sense. The Volstead Act went into effect in late October, 1919 and went into full effect on January 1st, 1920. But somehow Daniel gets all caught up in rum running in the two months between those two events? Bootlegging didn't become active until it was necessary and certainly someone who was so reticent about it, like Daniel says he was, wouldn't have gotten involved so early on. I realize that this is minor to the overall plot, but when it turns out that he gets murdered because of this involvement, it adds a little weight to the matter. Okay, history lesson over.

The Spirit of Christmas falls solidly into a classic gentle watch trope of the woman who works too much and needs to learn that there are more important things besides her job. And she does learn that lesson, as she and Daniel get to know one another by looking at old pictures, decorating a Christmas tree, talking while their faces are very close to one another, and finally dancing at what used to be the annual ball thrown at the inn during Daniel's actual life.

If you don't fall in love at the annual dance, did you even fall in love?
Let's rate this ghost, shall we?

The Cheese Rating: Very low. This movie takes itself pretty seriously; it's solidly in the drama category rather than the rom-com category. One reason is that it was on Lifetime rather than Hallmark, so really, this movie is pretty tame for that platform. My Stepson is My Cyber-Husband this is not.







The Wine Rating: This gets three wine glasses (though full disclosure, we watched this movie at 10 am while eating croissants). Part of the reason we're giving it three glasses is that the bar was SO low. We thought this movie was going to be total trash, and it was not total trash. The leads were fine and had some chemistry, nothing particularly special, but it definitely got points for sky-rocketing above our expectations.



Hot men: Daniel, or Thomas Beaudoin if you're feeling formal, looks better the more he looks like he is in the present. You decide:

Not terrible: 
I love a man in glasses, but these round, wire-spectacles are a tough sell
But isn't this better?



Sunday, February 11, 2018

A Christmas Prince

Oh A Christmas Prince.


I had such high hopes. You seemed like you would be a great combination of cheesy premise, pretty locations, and ridiculous romance. You weren't produced by Hallmark but Netflix, a production company that might have a bit of a sense of humor about itself and the Christmas gentle watch it was producing. Maybe it would even poke a little fun at the genre, in a loving, affectionate way.

So we settled in to watch this potential Christmas classic. And low and behold...



Fifteen minutes into the movie we realized...




We struggled through the interminable 90 minutes of a A Christmas Prince, but every ten minutes or so, all I wanted to do was yell at the screen:


Quick synopsis: A journalist is given her big break to cover the potential crowning of the new king of a small European country. It's been a year since his father died and he's been partying ever since (or has he?!?!). She gets to the palace and somehow fakes her way in pretending to be the new nanny to his younger sister. The usual high jinks happen from there but the most disappointing part of this film is it's total and complete lack of joy. This movie is a drag, that's all there is to it.


This movie was such a drag that I'm not going to include any images or gifs from the movie. I don't want to besmirch this blog with that nonsense. 

Besides the total lack of fun or joy, here's a little bit of why this film is so bad:
  • Ridiculous hidden identities
  • The leading lady, Amber, literally follows the prince on a horse and then falls off and has a Beauty and the Beast moment where a wolf almost attacks her 
  • Amber is the worst journalist ever. Her notes are literally a bullet pointed list saying things like "The prince is starting to trust me" and "I have to find out more!!!"
  • Lots of unclear rules about royal lineage and the order succession. Monarchies have very clear rules and everyone in those countries know who's in line.
  • A secret adoption (that throws said order of succession into chaos)
  • The new king is supposed to get crowned at the annual Christmas ball. WHAT? It's basically the chillest coronation ever and coronations are never chill.
  • The leads have no chemistry. She seems to like him because he's handsome and misunderstood, and he likes her because she charmed his little sister and is kind of a mess. Rather than being misunderstood, I think the prince is actually just grieving his father's death and hasn't dealt with those feelings. And she is a mess, but not a charming one, just sort of annoying and sad.
  • After everything fall's apart, Amber goes home, decides to quit her job because the magazine doesn't want to publish her story about "the real prince". So she starts her own blog called something like "Amber's Blog" and it gets 1000 views and everyone is SO proud of her.  
  • There is a ridiculous proposal at the end. It's New Year's Eve and her friends want her to go out with them but she's sad so she stays home. Then the prince shows up and proposes. WHAT? NO.
All of this sounds like pretty normal rom-com fare, so why the vitriol? This movie was just so sad. No one looked like they were having any fun and I certainly didn't have any fun watching it. Imagine all of those high jinks but cover them in a layer of anxiety and sorrow, and that is this movie.


You know what A Christmas Prince?

A begrudging rating:

Cheese Rating: This movie was super cheesy, but not in a fun or interesting way. Just in a bad way. Can I give half a piece of cheese? A whole wedge seems too generous.





Wine Rating: I don't even know. One glass? I certainly wanted to drink during this movie, hoping it would make the movie better, but, really, nothing was going to save A Christmas Prince.





Hot Men: Honestly, who cares. If this movie had a voice, this is what it would say:

Menswear of When Calls the Heart

It's a snow day in Seattle! And Olivia and I are re-reading our old blog posts and laughing at how hilarious we are and how we should...